the jump

Box jumps.  It's as simple as it sounds.  It's a vertical jump with a box landing.  Years ago, I did these during STEP class and loved them.  Recently, I started working with a trainer and lemme tell ya,  I wasn't doing real box jumps.

So last week when he pulled out the box, I was a little nervous but confident.  The box was about a foot off the ground, and I had to do 10 reps, 5 times during my workout.   I rocked it.  Each time I landed solid in the middle of the box.  I felt powerful and strong.  

So today when I looked at my workout I got excited: 

TRX Rows

TRX Pushups

Box Jumps

Side Squats

Warrior Lunges

Pullups

It wasn't until I got to the bottom of the whiteboard I noticed the red writing: 

50 reps of each.  Do routine 2x. 

Then run to Anthem Way & back.

Riiiiightt.  This man's brain is on a whole 'notha level.  But, I don't question him.  Like ever.  So I proceed with the plan.  As I finish up with the TRX strap I notice he's already set the box out for me.  Except it wasn't the same box I rocked out on the week before.  

It was higher than my knee level--at least 20" tall.  It may as well been a mountain.  I stared at that box for what felt like several minutes psyching myself out.  I don't think I can do this.  What if I hit my shins?  What is he thinking?!  He must've heard my thoughts because he looked at me and with every confidence in the world said, "I know you can do this."  

I stood there a bit longer.  Staring and willing that box to shrink.  Finally, I made the choice.  I jumped.  And you know what?  I didn't die and I didn't wreck my shins.  I landed smack dab in the middle of the box.  I did it again.  And again.  I got through about 15 and he brought over slightly smaller box and propped it up against the bigger one.  "For when you get tired," he said.  And boy did I need it.  But I kept going back to the bigger box.  And as I finished my final 10 reps (on the big'en) I whispered a word with each jump: "I. can. do. all. things. through. Christ. who. strengthens. me."

I did it.  100 box jumps.  This little 5'1" momma of two (and believe me that counts here) finished.  I finished well.  Chad had faith in me and patiently waited for me to realize what he already knew.   That I could do it.  

Today's experience got me thinking about my heavenly father.  God is so patient with me.  He knows my strengths and weaknesses and gently pushes me to become the best version of myself.  He knows I will stress about VBS and that giant medical bill on the counter.  Sometimes I wonder if he's looking down at me smirking and doing a bit of an eye roll--just waiting for me to remember to tap into His power.   

I'm not sure why I must repeat that lesson over and over again.   But I am thankful for His grace when I must.  And maybe one of these days, on my journey to radiant, I'll realize that I've finally learned it.

I've made some progress.

"I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."  Philippians 4:13  

Even box jumps.

the word

Last year, in an effort to change up the New Year's resolutions-sure-to-fall-flat Game, I sought out a different approach for my small group.  A quick google search led me to a site that I will be forever grateful to have found.  The challenge was instead of making a handful of promises about the upcoming year, to choose ONE WORD to inspire you throughout the year.  The idea being that you use your word to shape your outlook and in doing so you improve in multiple areas of your life.  

That made a lot of sense to me.  Yes, I want to be healthier.  And do a better job at reading my Bible.  Annd be more patient with my kids.  Annnd make the occasional Pinterest-worthy school lunch.  Could a single word really inspire change in all those areas of my life?  I believed it could.  So I set out to find the word.

At that time I was coming out of a tough year.  Still healing from my divorce, I knew I had some growing to do.  I had been caught up in a sea of self-pity about the state of my life.  I'd watched a life-long dream die a slow and painful death and I desperately wanted to believe that God had a beautiful new life waiting for me.  If I could just get there.

Grace.  Faith.  Hope. Trust. Positivity.  Perseverance.  Courageous.  I threw around words like this for several days, but nothing felt quite right.

What's a girl to do when she doesn't know what to do?  I opened up Pinterest.  Yes, I realize that it would sound better had I reached for my Bible.  But what I did do was open up my private board entitled "just for me," a place I frequently go when my heart needs a lift.

And when I saw it, I knew.

I'd found my word.  

Radiant.  "Sending out light; shining or glowing brightly." 

I was tired of allowing my failed marriage and single mom status to bring me shame.  This was my story.  No, it's not the one I wanted.  But it was mine.  That day I decided that my story wouldn't be my excuse any longer.  I wanted to be radiant.

Years ago, in a dark closet and through heavy, ugly sobs I begged God to not leave me.  I promised to do whatever He asked if He'd just carry me.  I looked to Him.  He lifted me up.  And He's removed the guilt and shame from my heart.  He gave me a life I would've never thought possible.  How could I not radiate his love?

It's not been easy.  I've been far from bright and glowy more times than I can count.  When I don't get it right?  Sweet, perfect grace.  For which I am thankful.  

So I'll continue on my journey...to radiant. 

the day

This was Mother's Day with my almost one year old. At first glance, I hardly recognize her. The sparkle in her eye had faded along with most of her hope. Yet, she held this beautiful baby boy. A most precious gift. When I look at this picture I see it. The place where joy met pain. 

Mother’s Day. It’s purpose is to celebrate the love and sacrifice of motherhood. And for some, Mother’s Day is absolutely beautiful. 

Sadly, that will not be everyone’s story this Sunday. 

Somewhere…

there’s a mom that just lost her unborn child. 

there’s a daughter who for the first time will celebrate without her mother.

there’s a daddy that must protect the hearts of little ones missing mom.

there’s a mom who will paint on a smile because her children depend on her.

there’s a family huddled in a waiting room desperately praying for a miracle.

there's a woman reminded once again of a dream that may go unrealized.

And so many other stories.

However yours reads this Mother’s Day, know this: you are not alone. There is a God that loves and adores you. He created you to be perfectly imperfect and can't wait to lavish His grace upon you. If this day is painful for you in any way, He knows. He sees you. He can help.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10