the word

Last year, in an effort to change up the New Year's resolutions-sure-to-fall-flat Game, I sought out a different approach for my small group.  A quick google search led me to a site that I will be forever grateful to have found.  The challenge was instead of making a handful of promises about the upcoming year, to choose ONE WORD to inspire you throughout the year.  The idea being that you use your word to shape your outlook and in doing so you improve in multiple areas of your life.  

That made a lot of sense to me.  Yes, I want to be healthier.  And do a better job at reading my Bible.  Annd be more patient with my kids.  Annnd make the occasional Pinterest-worthy school lunch.  Could a single word really inspire change in all those areas of my life?  I believed it could.  So I set out to find the word.

At that time I was coming out of a tough year.  Still healing from my divorce, I knew I had some growing to do.  I had been caught up in a sea of self-pity about the state of my life.  I'd watched a life-long dream die a slow and painful death and I desperately wanted to believe that God had a beautiful new life waiting for me.  If I could just get there.

Grace.  Faith.  Hope. Trust. Positivity.  Perseverance.  Courageous.  I threw around words like this for several days, but nothing felt quite right.

What's a girl to do when she doesn't know what to do?  I opened up Pinterest.  Yes, I realize that it would sound better had I reached for my Bible.  But what I did do was open up my private board entitled "just for me," a place I frequently go when my heart needs a lift.

And when I saw it, I knew.

I'd found my word.  

Radiant.  "Sending out light; shining or glowing brightly." 

I was tired of allowing my failed marriage and single mom status to bring me shame.  This was my story.  No, it's not the one I wanted.  But it was mine.  That day I decided that my story wouldn't be my excuse any longer.  I wanted to be radiant.

Years ago, in a dark closet and through heavy, ugly sobs I begged God to not leave me.  I promised to do whatever He asked if He'd just carry me.  I looked to Him.  He lifted me up.  And He's removed the guilt and shame from my heart.  He gave me a life I would've never thought possible.  How could I not radiate his love?

It's not been easy.  I've been far from bright and glowy more times than I can count.  When I don't get it right?  Sweet, perfect grace.  For which I am thankful.  

So I'll continue on my journey...to radiant.